[fic] Nothing's Changed

[kiyala.livejournal.com]

Title: Nothing's Changed
Author: Kiyala
Word Count: 2732
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Kurosaki Isshin / Ishida Ryuuken
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: mansex.
Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns Bleach
Notes: ZOMG IsshiKen. My first IsshiKen ever! 8D *feels kind of proud* and it's smut! This is for thenakedcat as a thank you for all the fun msn conversations we have xDD and for linking me to IsshiKen pictures to keep that bunny's teeth sharp until I finished writing this.

x-posted to bleach_yaoi, quincy_papa and isshiken


They sit on the porch of Ryuuken’s house in silence. The entrance to the underground training area where the Shinigami had decided to show up is well hidden under a rug and they do not speak of it. In fact, they have spoken of very little since leaving the place.

Without looking at the other man, Ryuuken sighs and pulls a cigarette out and lights it, taking a long drag and letting it out with a sigh. Isshin makes an amused noise and the Quincy raises an eyebrow.

“It’s been a long time…” the Shinigami speaks in little over a whisper, but his words are clear the other man, “I haven’t seen you for years, but you haven’t changed much.”

Making a disbelieving noise, Ryuuken raises an eyebrow and this makes Isshin laugh, “Okay fine. So your hair’s gone grey, and you look grumpier. But that doesn’t really change much. You’re still the good old ‘Ken that I knew.”

“…I don’t see how you can say that,” the Quincy mutters, pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket and offering them to Isshin.

Isshin lets out a small laugh, “’Ken… you know there’s only one day of the year I’ll light a cigarette on, now.”

For some reason, this makes Ryuuken feel extremely bitter and he needs to look away from the man sitting beside him, so he opts to glare at the shrub to his right.

“What are you doing here, Shinigami?”

“I just thought it’d be nice to stop by here. I mean, I managed to come across your address—”

“Urahara told you, more like.”

“Fine,” Isshin admits with a nod, “Kisuke told me you live here. And that he was going to ask Uryuu to accompany Ichigo to Hueco Mundo.”

Ryuuken’s eyes narrow, “You knew Urahara was going to let our sons run off into Death’s mouth?”

Letting out a chuckle, Isshin pats him on the back, “You’re saying it as though you didn’t, ‘Ken.”

“Well…” the Quincy frowns, “I don’t approve. But it’s his choice if he wants to die. I won’t stop him from doing what he wants this time.”

“He won’t die,” the dark-haired man says with a smile, “Ichigo wouldn’t let him die.”

“What exactly is it that you know about our sons, Shinigami?”

Raising his hands defensively, Isshin shakes his head, “I’m just having fun trying to guess, that’s all. They’re not too different from what we were. Alone, afraid… they need each other, just like we—”

“I refuse to believe Uryuu will make the same mistakes as I did. He isn’t as stupid.”

Isshin is taken aback and he stares into the other man’s face, “…a mistake, ‘Ken? Is that what you’re calling it, now?”

With an irritated sigh, Ryuuken decides to glare at the shrub again. “I was foolish to think… to think we could ever gain anything out of it. I was the Last Quincy. I couldn’t let me race die out just because… because of you.”

He feels an arm on his back and it takes all of his self-control to keep himself from leaning towards it. Taking a long drag of his cigarette, he runs a hand through his hair, “…and that’s why I’m hoping to Hell that Uryuu won’t do the same. For his own sake. For your son’s sake.”

The arm now wraps around Ryuuken’s waist, and Isshin holds him close with a small smile, knowing that it is the closest to an apology he will ever receive from the man.

“…But after she died, it was just too easy to fall back into my old habits. But we both had children. We couldn’t—”

“Hey… stop thinking about things like that. I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“That…” Ryuuken says quietly and with a small frown that deepends when he pauses to think, “…That isn’t the problem. I’m not concerned with what happened. There was love in my marriage, and in yours. That has all passed. We spoke about that for long enough after the mourning period.”

“Mourning Period, ‘Ken? Is there even such a thing? Just one space of time, after which it stops hurting? You know…” Isshin frowns in thought, “Back when I was in Soul Society, I didn’t think death was such a bad thing. Just the usual cycling of souls… something that just eventually happened to everyone. Then, when I spent a few years living as a human, I realised something. Death isn’t what we’re afraid of. Death doesn’t hurt. Loss does.”

“Loss?” The Quincy raises an eyebrow.

“When you lose someone… someone special to you,” Isshin explains and Ryuuken does not miss the small glance at him, “Then, it’s like losing yourself. That person became a part of you… a part of your soul… and just losing them like that…”

“Hey…” Ryuuken whispers and Isshin finally shrugs and sighs.

“What I was meaning to say is that there isn’t really a mourning period. If you love someone so much, you feel the pain of their absence all the time. Especially when you’re alone, sitting in the clinic you promised each other you’d someday run together - - -”

“Stop.” The fair-haired man closes his eyes with a frown, massaging his temple before rubbing his face with a hand and sighing, “Don’t you see it? The problem lies right here. Between us. It has nothing to do with what happened then. Just what’s happening now.”

“A problem, huh?” Isshin looks around as though there is a physical embodiment of this problem somewhere. Sighing with frustration, Ryuuken leans forward and presses their lips together.

“Mmm…” Isshin makes a sound of approval and leans forward as well to return the kiss, but Ryuuken pulls away. “Ah, come on now ‘Ken, you and I both know that wasn’t nearly enough.”

“…Don’t you see my point?”

With a sigh, the Shinigami looks away, “Our problem. You feeling guilty that we still enjoy it? That we want it as much as we do? Is that why you’ve avoided me for almost ten years, Ryuuken?”

The Quincy’s gaze returns to the shrub that is so much easier to glare at than the other man. Upon noticing the guilt in the other man’s actions, Isshin sighs and stands up.

“I’m sorry, ‘Ken. I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll show myself out.”

Knowing how easily his actions can hurt Isshin, Ryuuken also rises to his feet, “Kurosaki…”

“Isshin,” the man corrects and although his face doesn’t change, Ryuuken can detect the irritation and pain in his voice. “It’s Isshin to you, ‘Ken, and always will be. I’ve already told you. Nothing’s changed.”

“Our sons—”

“Are taking care of themselves. Of each other. We can let go.”

“Your daughters…”

“Never relied on me anyway.”

“…You…”

“I…” Isshin replies and lets out a small laugh, “…missed you, Ryuuken.”

A pained look crosses the Quincy’s face. “Why…”

With a small shrug, Isshin looks off into the distance, “Because you’re the one I feel most comfortable with? Because you were my first…”

The Shinigami chuckles and shakes his head, “Because you were my first love? They always say the first cut is the deepest.”

“Isshin…” The grey haired man isn’t sure why, but something about being reminded that Kurosaki Isshin once loved him – with the fire of a thousand suns, as he had once proclaimed after stealing Ryuuken’s book of Shakespeare plays – also serves to remind him that he had once loved the man too, with just as much intensity. It reminds him of how these feelings never faded. How he merely locked them away and refused to think of them.

But now, he finds the shameless honesty that is always in Isshin’s words to be a key. A key that, combined with the way the other man is looking at him and the way he had previously held him, is threatening to unlock these feelings and allow them to come pouring out. He knows how much Isshin would like this to happen, but for once this knowledge doesn’t deter these feelings but only encourages them to spill out even more. His guilt, his shame for running from the man for a decade is the only defense he has. A mental barrier, thin and weak, but still somehow managing to keep all of his emotions at bay.

Then, Isshin notices the look in Ryuuken’s dark eyes and steps forward, taking the man into his arms. The wall comes crashing down and he buries his face into the large warm chest that gladly accepts him. All of him. The fear, the pain, the love… Isshin takes it all in as the other man feels absolutely pathetic and lost, as though he is clinging to his only salvation. This sensation is something alien. Something he does not enjoy, and has only felt at two other points in his life, the first being the night his wife died, reopening the gate to a path that led straight to Isshin. The second was when Masaki had died and the gate on Isshin’s side of the path was also opened.

His eyes remain dry, but his grip on Isshin’s robes tighten and he lifts his head to be met with by a kiss that is hungry and passionate. It threatens to suck all of the energy out of him and he pulls away, panting and gasping as he desperately tries to control his emotions. Something about the way Isshin watches him, arms still holding him carefully, makes all of his efforts in vain.

They move forward in unison to kiss again and Ryuuken moans quietly at the feeling of Isshin’s tongue moving gently into his mouth and suddenly, everything feels hotter. He is pulled closer and Isshin’s hands wander downwards, awakening something within Ryuuken that is faintly familiar, but feels new due to all of the time that has passed since he has last felt this way. It is Isshin’s turn to be pushed and he chuckles as his back comes in contact with the nearest wall.

“That’s the good old Ryuu-chan I remember…”

Grunting at the irritating yet nostalgic nickname, the Quincy palms the front of Isshin’s hakama impatiently and the dark-haired man groans in encouragement.

“I’m not as young as I used to be, Kurosaki,” the fair-haired man growls as he kisses down the other’s neck and in the current context, the use of family names is not protested, “And nowhere near as patient. So I’m going to cut through the foreplay, if you don’t mind. I’ll give you all the pleasure you want. Later. Right now, I just want to—”

Isshin chuckles and his patience irritates Ryuuken, who takes hold of the Shinigami’s robes and pulls them apart, untying the sash around his wast as an afterthought.

“Are you planning for us to sleep with each other right here, ‘Ken?” the other man asks, sounding amused, “You said it yourself… we’re not as young as we used to be. Let’s at least move to your bed.”

With an irritated sigh, the Quincy nods and turns to lead Isshin to his room. While he closes the door and then locks it, he turns to find Isshin already on the bed, robes still half-on and a lop-sided grin on his face. Crossing the room and kneeling over him on the bed, Ryuuken pulls the other man into a rough kiss as he removes the rest of the man’s clothing and pushes him to lie down on the soft mattress.

“You’ll need to undress as well, Ryuu-chan.”

Ryuuken scowls and presses two fingers to Isshin’s lips, “I don’t have lubricant. For obvious reasons. So this will have to do.”

With a grin, Isshin reaches into the pockets of his discarded clothing and pulls out a new tube, “I’ve got it covered.”

Raising an eyebrow and sighing, Ryuuken takes it and glances over at the Shinigami, “I don’t suppose you also have condoms—?”

Sitting back on the bed, Isshin smirks, “I decided against those.”

“You’re a doctor,” the Quincy mutters, undressing and allowing Isshin to help, “You’re supposed to encourage safe sex.”

“Yeah, well,” the dark-haired man grins when Ryuuken is finally naked, “The rule always goes ‘do as I say, not as I do’ doesn’t it?”

Making an unimpressed sound – although there is a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his lips – Ryuuken rubs some of the lubricant onto his hands and carefully goes about preparing the other man.

“Ah… more, ‘Ken…” Isshin murmurs with a small smile and the only way Ryuuken can realise that the other man in actually in pain is because they have known each other for so long. He slows down and Isshin lets out a small moan that tells the Quincy that he is actually enjoying it now.

“Hard or gentle, Shinigami?” Ryuuken whisoers, “Are we making love, or fucking?”

Moaning softly as the fingers are withdraw, Isshin lets out a breathless laugh, “Anything you want, ‘Ken… Do whatever you need.”

The Shinigami isn’t very surprised that he can predict what Ryuuken will do. His previous words are true – nothing has changed for either of them. Right now, what Ryuuken needs to do is reassure himself. Find out once again that he is the one Isshin belongs to. The only one Isshin wants. Their sex is hardly any different to what it was before. They are older, less hormonal, but slightly needier. The Shinigami smiles as best as he can when he feels the bed thumping gently against the wall and reaches down to stroke himself. The hand is swatted away by Ryuuken who glares at him – glasses hanging off his face and swinging with his movements – before taking hold of Isshin’s arousal himself and pumping mercilessly.

He is secretly thrilled to hear the other man’s throaty moans of pleasure, but his face doesn’t show it. His face shows no emotion, as it always does. Were it not for the sweat… if his hair wasn’t shaken out of place, had his mouth been closed instead of panting softly, a simple glance at his face would lead one to believe he is simply working – doing something mechanical – and he wonders to himself if that has become the case. If these trusts with his room-mate, colleague, best friend… if these had all become mechanical and emotionless. He wonders and doubts as they move, as they merge into one being, and only stops when they are rudely separated, so close to release that Ryuuken lets out a low growl of irritation that is not paid attention to.

Isshin, who pushes the other man off him and moves his body away, now chuckles. He kisses Ryuuken’s forehead before entering him – no lubrication, no preparation. The Quincy hisses with pain and bucks urgently, encouraging the man to move. Although he is always careful about the way he takes Isshin, the other man knows that he prefers to be claimed roughtly and – there is no other word for it – raw. The feeling of their bodies, rubbing and sliding against each other, turns him on beyond belief and he gasps loudly as Isshin picks up pace and strokes Ryuuken’s cock.

“Issh—” the fair-haired man no longer holds any doubts. There is no possibility, with the two of them holding onto each other as they are, that this lacks passion.

Ryuuken’s deadpan gives way to expressions that show how thoroughly pleasured he really is. He moans loudly, his voice combining with Isshin and they truly are becoming one again, after far too many years of being apart. Their sweat intermingles, their arms moving until they can’t tell if they belong to themselves or to each other, and when they finally release, Isshin withdraws and collapses beside Ryuuken, his hand still on the Quincy’s shoulder.

“Isshin. . . . .” the breathless whisper causes the Shinigami to open an eye and roll onto his side, pulling his arm away from the other man.

“Hmm?”

“I’m glad you came here.”

Similing, Isshin closes his eyes again, “Don’t need to thank me or anything. I just felt like it’d been to long since we last met.”

“Idiot. I wasn’t thanking you. I’m just saying I’m glad you came.”

Ryuuken catches the cocky grin that reminds him of the way they were many years ago as Isshin rolls onto his back.

“Yeah. I knew you would be, Ryuu-chan.”