[fic] The Beast

[kiyala.livejournal.com]

Title: The Beast
Author: kiyala
Word Count: 2110
Fandom: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Pairing: Sheik/Link
Rating: R
Warnings: allusions to mansex
Disclaimer: Shigeru Miyamoto and Nintendo own the Legend of Zelda series
Notes: Sheik is male in this fic. *waves artistic license*

500themes: 4. Dancing with the devil

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If you could only see the beast you’ve made of me.

Before this, everything had been planned to perfection. Not that he was ever aware of these plans, but so was the very nature of them. With two people pretending they were only one, we needed to know where one of us stopped and the other began. It was something we could only manage from knowing each other so well, for such a long time. Something we intended to keep a secret from the very beginning.

We used my name, my appearance. Sheik, the last of the Sheikah. We never lied about this, at the very least. We took turns being Sheik, following him, making sure he was safe. The plan had been this: when Link finished his quest and Hyrule was safe once again, I would slip away into the shadows, as if I had never existed. This is what I wanted. To fulfill my own destiny as a Sheikah. The Shadow.

Only now, that duty-driven, obedient Sheikah is turning into something else. Something more selfish, something greedier than I’ll ever have any right to be.

I no longer crave the shadows and anonymity. I crave him.

Of all the things to be my downfall, it is temptation. Like my own personal demon, always lingering at my shoulder. That temptation has been there for longer than I would like to admit. I have managed to ignore it for all this time, knowing that I am nothing more than a disguise to him. A mask that has long-since been discarded. He has no reason to remember me, no reason to care. I cling to this thought like a crutch. Perhaps I am selfish and greedy under the surface, but while Link is unaware of my existence, I can ignore it, suppress the temptation and longing, and continue as the perfect Sheikah warrior I have aimed to be my entire life.

One night, hidden away in my secret chamber behind a false wall, during our frequent conversations, the Princess looks up at me. There’s a look in her eyes halfway between concern and relief that has me worried.

“Link,” she begins and then pauses, cementing my belief that it cannot be good news. “He asks after you. Sheik, I mean. The one he knew on his quest.”

“What’s there to ask about?” I ask, though I must force the words out. “There’s nothing to know. Sheik doesn’t exist. He should know that.”

I sound defensive, but she makes no comment of this. She simply sighs. “He wants to know what inspired the disguise. How I could change my personality that he knows well enough, now. All the parts of Sheik that were– are, well, you.”

“I’m amazed that he would still care about something so insignificant,” I mutter, turning away. In truth, my heart is pounding. Blossoming at the back of my mind is the single most dangerous thing to be paired with the temptation I already deal with; hope.

Of course, the Princess notices this. I’m aware of this, even if she makes no mention of it for the rest of the night. When the hour is late and she leaves me to myself, my mind is a tempest.

Link is all I can think of, keeping me from sleep or from any other sort of coherent thoughts. I wonder why he cares about the Sheik disguise, as I think of it to differentiate between what Link knows and what I am. I wonder if he wants Sheik to be more than a disguise. To be curious about the disguise… perhaps I am over-thinking the matter, but it isn’t a good enough reason to stop.

For the following week, I drift along, attending to my duties, as my mind is filled with thoughts of Link. I know that this is plainly obvious to the Princess, who knows me better than any other. It’s not a conversation we have but I’m very conscious of the sense of awareness that underlies our conversations. Between our duties, my secrecy and our need for proper sleep, we only see each other every second night.

A knock on the door of my room comes one night – the odd night to our regular arrangement. I know that only two people know of my room; Impa and the Princess. For either of them to be here now means that they have urgent business.

However, when I open the door to my secret room, it is Link that I find on the other side. Reacting immediately, I shut the door once again. Reacting just as quickly, he pushes against the door to keep it ajar.

“Sheik,” he says.

I allow him inside.

The temptation is stronger when we are face to face. The hope, excruciating. My own personal demon has taken physical form in Link and we dance circles around each other in my large room. He stands still and I stop circling, watching him watch me.

“You’re real.” I hear relief in his voice. I dare to hope a little more.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I reply, not mentioning the fact that this, right here, is exactly what I want.

“I followed Zelda,” he admits. “I heard you talking. I worked out the pattern of her visits.”

“Why does it matter to you?” I ask, fearing once again that I’m reading far too much into everything. “Why were you asking her about the disguise?”

“Not the disguise. You,” he says and I look away, not wanting to explain the difference. “I couldn’t let you disappear from existence that easily, Sheik. Not when you gave me hope when I needed it the most.”

“Hope is an evil thing,” I hear myself mutter. Link strides closer, until I can smell him. I can feel his presence, making the ends of my nerves tingle even though I’m neither touching nor looking at him.

“Strength, then,” he murmurs. He sounds patient. I should know all about patience, being a Sheikah. At this very moment, I feel the exact opposite.

“So are you the Sheik I met on my quest?” he asks. His gaze travels over me. I’m wearing clothes that are more comfortable than the skin-tight stealth suit. He looks into my eyes – both of them – and smiles a little. “Sheik, the survivor of the Sheikah.”

“Sometimes,” I admit. “Other times, it was the Princess in disguise. You must know that she is hardly the kind of person to sit back and watch things happen.”

“That’s why you seemed different sometimes,” he says quietly. “Who was it at the Spirit Temple?”

“I was the one who met you in the desert.”

“You saw me reach for you as you disappeared?”

I hesitate for a moment. “…Yes.”

“Why didn’t you wait?”

I smile despite myself. “I had one thing to do after playing the Requiem for you. I was to disappear. I wanted to disappear. If I stopped and spoke to you, I don’t think I could have managed that.”

“Like now?” he looks at me carefully. “Weren’t you curious about what I had to say?”

“I am always curious.”

“Would you like to know?”

There’s a look in his eyes that I don’t understand. I nod anyway.

“I would have thanked you. For everything,” he says quietly. Then he leans towards me and pecks me on the lips.

I stare. He clears his throat, but looks right back. My self control wavers. Fighting to keep my voice even, I ask, “Do you realise that most people would not react very well to what you just did?”

He nods.

“And that I am unlike most people?”

He grins, and nods once again.

“Come here.”

When he is in my arms, I kiss him hungrily. The way I have wanted to for a very long time. To my amazement and great pleasure, his kisses match mine in passion. His grip is tight like mine. This is not the lost and confused boy I saw awake from a seven-year slumber. This is not the scared but determined youth I guided between temples. Kissing me at this moment is a man like me, who has what he wants; something he’d never even believed possible.

To confirm my suspicions, he breaks the kiss and nuzzles into my neck. “I never wanted to believe you were a disguise and nothing more. You meant too much to me for that.”

“You have the Princess,” I reply, though she has always told me that Link is but a trusted friend.

“She is good company. A wonderful Princess.” He looks at me. “But I can’t feel for her what I do for you.”

I chuckle. “You barely know me.”

“I’m willing to learn,” he replies. His hands are on my sides and I can feel the tension in both of us, longing to simply let go, to give in.

I pull him close, until we’re chest to chest. Both our hearts are pounding and our arms wind around each other, as though our bodies already know each other. Our lips meets once again and our fingers claw at each other with nothing short of desperation. To know that we want each other like this, that we both have for a long time simply spurs us both on. My self control cracks with every kiss or touch until there is none left. I push him onto my bed with a predatory look in my eyes that is reflected in his own, as he pulls me down towards him.

It is an hour before dawn when we let each other go. We dress quickly and quietly by candlelight and pull each other into a lingering kiss at my door.

I pull away first. “Will you tell the Princess?”

“She doesn’t need to know,” he replies. “I don’t know how I’d explain it.”

“She’ll work it out,” I say, knowing it to be true. I stroke his fringe affectionately. “When she does, I’ll be the one she asks for an explanation. I’ll tell her.”

“I’ll see you again soon,” he murmurs, giving me one more kiss before leaving.

We seek each other out whenever we are free. When the Princess attends to her royal duties and our work is done for the day, we follow each other’s trails for brief moments together. A light conversation here, a heated kiss there, it turns into a game. I’ll return to my chamber by the end of the day to find a sign of Link having been there during the day. I’ll let him catch a glimpse of me in the shadows as he trains. Sometimes we play, sometimes we hunt for each other with desperation.

The Princess says nothing of it and makes no indication that she knows. Link no longer asks her about Sheik when he can ask me.

Once, I follow Link to Lake Hylia. He waits to make sure that I am there, that I know that he sees me watching. He strips naked and dives into the water, and I follow him. He grins as he feels my arms around him, and sighs as he feels my body against his.

“Sheik,” he gasps as my hands slip down to his hips, and lower. He jerks against me and I laugh quietly. We are never gentle with each other. We are both far too impatient when we are alone with each other.

We are so wrapped up in each other that neither of us realise how late it is, that we are both missing dinner. If nobody else notices our absence, the Princess will.

I can tell that she knows that night, when we sit in my room and talk. The question is on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t ask. Before she can get up and say that she should go, I speak up.

“Link found me.” My voice is quiet and I say the next part louder, “He followed you here once.”

She looks at me and, of all things, smiles. “So that’s why he stopped asking about you.”

“He didn’t know how to tell you.”

“And you?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you that I was happy about my failure to stay hidden.”

She smiles affectionately. “So now three people know of your existence instead of two. Are you happy when you are with him?”

“Without a doubt.”

She shakes her head. “Then nothing else matters. Good night, Sheik.”

I watch her leave in stunned silence. And then, once my mind has cleared, I get to my feet, quietly leaving my room. For the first time, I sneak into Link’s bedchamber instead.


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